Help! My Five-Year-Old Won’t Stop Lying

If your five-year-old has started to tell little fibs, stretch the truth, or insist they didn’t do something you just saw them do, take a moment to breathe deeply. You are not alone in this journey, and rest assured, your child is not broken.

It’s important to remember that lying in childhood is not a sign of something being wrong; rather, it’s a sign of growth and development.

When we approach this behavior with curiosity instead of fear, we can see that lying is simply another form of communication for children. Each little lie carries a message, and every fib offers a clue about their feelings and experiences.

Children Don’t Lie Because They’re “Bad”

Children lie as part of their journey in learning how to navigate the world around them.

A young child’s brain is still in the process of understanding complex emotions such as fear, shame, and desire. Speaking the truth takes courage, and that courage flourishes in a safe and nurturing environment.

Most children start to explore lying between the ages of three and six, coinciding with the blossoming of imagination and emotional awareness. They begin to realize that adults can’t read their minds and that they have the ability to influence what others think or believe.

This is truly remarkable! It indicates that their brains are developing the skill of perspective-taking—the ability to consider someone else’s thoughts and feelings. However, this newfound skill also invites experimentation. They may wonder, “What happens if I say this instead?” or “Will they still love me if I share the truth?”

This is what growth looks like: messy, curious, and profoundly human.

The Four Reasons Children Lie

In the realm of child development, we often discuss the “functions” of behavior. Every behavior serves a purpose, including lying. When we understand why a child is lying, we can respond with connection and compassion rather than correction.

Here are the four main reasons children might tell a lie:

1. Avoidance

Sometimes, children lie to steer clear of uncomfortable situations. They may want to avoid getting in trouble, hide a mistake, or escape a task that feels overwhelming.

When they say, “I didn’t spill it,” what they might really be expressing is, “I don’t want you to be upset with me.”

This kind of lying isn’t rooted in disrespect; it stems from a place of self-protection. When a child’s nervous system feels unsafe, they instinctively reach for a way to shield themselves.

By remaining calm and responding with understanding, we can teach them that it’s safe to admit mistakes. Over time, the urge to hide the truth will diminish.

2. Attention

Children may also lie to seek attention. Sometimes, even negative attention feels better than being ignored.

When they say, “Guess what happened at school today?” (when nothing actually happened), it may really mean, “I want you to notice me and listen.”

Often, the child who lies the most is the one who craves connection the deepest. By offering attention freely, before they feel the need to misbehave to get it, the power of lying tends to diminish.

3. Access

This reason might sound familiar: “Dad said I could have ice cream.”

Lying for access is about trying to obtain something they desire. It’s not manipulation; it’s a child’s way of problem-solving with the limited skills they have. A child who lies for access is often experimenting with their autonomy and figuring out how to meet their needs.

By acknowledging their desire without judgment—“You really wanted more screen time”—we help them feel understood and teach them to express their wants honestly.

4. Sensory Stimulation

Sometimes, lying serves no external purpose at all; it simply feels good.

For some children, telling a lie can be exciting or imaginative. It may bring them a sense of control or ignite their creative spirit. In these moments, the story itself fulfills an internal need.

This kind of lying isn’t deceitful; it’s exploration. When we respond with curiosity rather than shame, we can nurture their creativity while helping them stay grounded in truth.

The Heart of Honesty

Honesty flourishes in an atmosphere of safety, not fear.

When children feel secure enough to share the truth, they usually do. Our role as parents and caregivers is to cultivate an environment where truth-telling feels safe and possible.

Begin by noticing what your child’s lie might be protecting. Were they anxious about getting in trouble? Seeking connection? Hoping for something that felt just out of reach?

When you understand the feelings behind the behavior, you can address the need instead of merely reacting to the symptom.

Try saying:

“I wonder if you felt nervous about telling me what really happened.”

or

“Thank you for sharing the truth with me. I know that wasn’t easy.”

Over time, these gentle moments of safety teach your child that honesty is valuable—not because it’s demanded, but because it’s safe.

At Haven Family Consulting, I am here to support parents in understanding the meaning behind their children’s behaviors, fostering peace and connection within the home. When we learn to listen beyond the behavior, we can shift from reacting to understanding.

Your child isn’t a liar; they are learning and growing. And you are guiding them with patience, gentleness, and love.